New Year's Eve

Well, it's the last day of 2006, and New Years is certainly a good time for reflection. As I look around, I see so much room for improvement in my life. My bedroom is in chaos right now. I have piles of clothes and linens waiting to be washed. There is dust and cat hair everywhere. Our kitchen has a pile on the floor that was started for Goodwill of non needed items, but they have sat there for months. Dishes mount in the drainer. I am getting depressed even writing about it.

As for myself, I really need to do something physically. Age is coming. I feel myself getting as rusty as the tin man from lack of use. I have a membership to the Y, and I haven't been there since maybe October. I eat whatever and whenever I want, and truthfully that shows.

I am tall, so that gives me some lee way in being able to hide more pounds than others, but that only goes so far. I can delude myself quite well. I am sort of a reverse anorexic, in that I think I look fine most of the time. Then comes some excursion to buy clothes, or an event (like tonight) where I am trying to dress up, and I see the truth. I am fat. Big. And I hate living like this. I hate being the biggest belly dancer in my class. I hate being the "fat one". I am past voluptuous. Someone stop me.

Yet, I don't do anything much beyond thinking, I really should go back to Weight Watchers....

I am ashamed and want to hide the truth that everyone else can plainly see.

So tomorrow I want to try and change the pattern. I need to start slowly and not expect that waking up tomorrow will turn me into someone who will suddenly crave celery and working out. But maybe tomorrow I can do something. Something that I didn't do today. And maybe with baby steps, I can get where I want to be. Or not. I guess time will tell.