The Good Girl

He's "out" tonight. Could be a date. Could be dinner. I'm not sure. He probably wasn't sure.

I stayed in, and finished reading Unit 7. I took the Unit 7 Quiz and got a 10/10, as usual.

I downloaded the articles for Unit 8 and looked for the lecture notes, which haven't been posted yet. I tried to up my participation grade by posting a link to an article that I thought reviewed some key points in Unit 7.

I am about to head to my preferred reading spot in the living room and read what I have for Unit 8, ahead of schedule. What a Good Girl.

I missed out on our vacation this year. He went on our vacation and spent it with his other lover. I went home to care for my mother after her knee surgery. What a Good Girl.

I am a good girl. It's practically mandatory in my midwestern family. You do what you are supposed to do. You are supposed to study, and pay your bills on time. I do.

But sometimes, I wonder if I am getting screwed over. I mean it's not all that exciting being good. In fact, it's often quite boring. Why can't I be out with a potential lover? Why can't I be flirting madly and toying with emotions? Why I have spun this wholesome lifestyle for myself?

I am sewing seeds for my future, I tell myself. I am doing what I need to do now, so someday I can do what I want to do. It will all pay off.

And if some days, I feel life is passing me by while I take quizzes or study for exams, it's just a feeling, isn't it?

I have tried to be bad...but it really isn't in me.

This is who I am.

Sigh.