I should write something here.  I just don't know what to say.  Life has settled into some sort of quiet routine, and it doesn't feel that there is much to remark upon.  What is it Yogi's say?  "Chop wood, carry water".  That has been my life.

I think I have isolated myself quite a bit lately.  My partner has to force me into social situations.  He says, "Let's go early so we can catch up with people."  In my state these are the last words that motivate me out the door.  But I go.  I smile.  And sometimes it works and I do have fun.

On the surface I can put on a good face, and mostly I feel okay.  I very much miss the being in love alive feel I had last Fall, but I do not miss the angst and heartache that existed on the other side of that coin.

On the positive side, I have started to move again.  I had let myself turn into the Tin Man, and believe me it hurt to start bending limbs.  But I am starting to find myself, and gaining strength in pushing myself physically.  I started wearing a pedometer and am tracking steps.  I am dancing again.  I can even run...a little bit.  It's all good.  Moving has made me tired at night, and I fall into deep dream filled sleeps.

I feel like I need to go on some sort of journey.  I am missing some vital part of my spirit.  I should go out and find it, right?  I remember reading some book of a woman in mid life crisis...she went to the sea and wrote...That sounds dreamy and romantic, but also terribly lonely.  I think my journey needs to be outward towards the vast ocean of people.  The scary sea of humanity...I need to learn how to open myself up and not fear being hurt again.  I need to practice talking, taking an interest in others...Oh but that sounds like so much work....

And that is the problem I suppose.