Lost, Found, and perhaps still lost.

Today started happy. My schedule at work unexpectedly changed this week for the better. Two sites I hated going to went away, and I was put in two places I love being for more hours. There is one less split day, which means less driving. And best of all, my Friday half day, which had been 10-1, has been changed to 9-12. That one hour earlier off makes a huge difference in how much of Friday seems gone when I am off work. Except today I had to meet a courier at 1:30...so I was off later...but I will have a nicer paycheck as well. It was all good.

When I was at someone else's afternoon clinic to send my work back to the main office, and pick up some things for next week, I heard my cell phone ring. It was the special ring tone I have set for my partner--a happy party song. I normally answer with "Hi party sweetie!" But since I was with a co-worker, I went with the much more subdued "Hi".

I could tell right away something was seriously wrong. My partner's only child is now 21. And we have all survived his turbulent adolescence which included, drugs, alcohol, home incarceration, and last year, over a month in actual jail--all related to the same original issue which landed him in custody, and his problem of not taking things like showing up for drug tests and probation meetings seriously.

Since all that, he has tried to get his life together. He is in a community college where he as already collected 4 Fs, and somehow 1 A & 1 B. This is surely a make or break quarter for him as far as parental support, and I, ever the cynic, think he is in way over his head. My partner has been trying to help his son by throwing work his way when possible. My partner is working on a very high level technical project for a local corporation. There is a lot of pressure with this project anyhow, but it is worse because there was an unusually short prep time, and the project goes Live on Tuesday. Every moment of prep time is critical, and for someone to just not show up to work would throw the whole project off dramatically.

And that is exactly what happened. My partner's son was a no show this morning. They had an 8am crew call, and my partner's son was the only one not to make it to work. While this boy has disappeared before and been irresponsible, some disturbing facts started to emerge.

Here is what we knew. He had been with a friend last night and left about 2 am. He told his friend he had to work early in the morning, so needed to cut his night short. His girlfriend called him at 2:30 am, and he said he was half way home. He was riding a bicycle and had pulled over to talk to her. He said he was in a bad neighborhood, and had to go or he might get mugged. They hung up, and that was the last that anyone heard from him.

My partner got concerned when his son missed the crew call. He started calling and got no answer. At some point, he drove over to his son's first floor apartment. The curtains were open, the door was locked, and the apartment appeared empty. The bed had either been made or never slept in. The laptop that his son was rarely without was in clear view on the TV. My partner called his son's cell phone, and thought he could hear the phone ringing somewhere in the apartment, but wasn't sure.

I got called with the news that we had a missing family member about 2pm. My partner asked if I could call the jail to see if maybe he had been picked up for something. I said I would also call hospitals.

So, I left work, went home, and started making calls. I started with hospitals. He was not listed as a patient in any of the three major hospitals here. And no emergency room had admitted a John Doe in the last 24 hours. I went through a long line of phone transfers with the Justice Department, but finally could confirm that the jail did not have him. The girlfriend had called all of his friends, and no one knew what had happened to him. She called the Police Department to see if he had been involved in any incident. The police could not give her information, but said that since it had been over 24 hours since anyone had contact, we could file a missing persons report. So the police went to talk to her. I provided his address and landlord's number. The police wouldn't break into the apartment, they needed someone with a key to let them in.

I tried to call the guy who had last seen my partner's son. I wanted to know if he had had his computer with him last night. If yes, then we would know that he had at least made it home. Also, since he had been talking on the cell phone at 2:30, and IF my partner had really heard the phone then he had made it home. It would have been an important clue.

But then what happened? There didn't seem to be any disturbance in the apartment. It was if he had just vanished.

By 5pm, I really felt sick with worry. If he turned up I would be relieved, but also angry. Did he drink himself into a stupor at some after hours party when he should have been home in bed? Had he taken some drug? Was he failing his classes? Was he suicidal? Had some crazy person come to his door and kidnapped him? Had he gone to get cigarettes at 3am and been attacked?

All the Court TV shows I watch way too much of (like Forensic Files, Cold Case, Autopsy) started to float more horrible scenarios through my head.

And then all the guilt...We should never let him live in that neighborhood. He's too irresponsible to be living alone. He's doing drugs again. He can't handle normal obligations. He's mentally ill, and we aren't willing to face it.

I decided to try and nap to absorb time until we would know something. I had this familiar feeling of wanting to think this was just another fuck up, in which we would be angry/disappointed...but know he was okay. Or he could be in serious trouble, in which I would feel badly for ever having thought anything else. I must have dozed, because the next thing was the phone ringing with the news, that he had turned up...

Here is what he told us. He had made it home. Then at some point (last night, this morning) he had a panic attack. He thought he was dying, and went into survival mode. He went to the hospital, forgetting his phone. Then there is a big hole in the story until 5:30 pm when he text messaged his dad, and showed up for work at 6pm, ten hours late. He was very apologetic and offered to work until midnight. He offered to work all day tomorrow. Anything to make up for the trouble he had caused.

Anyhow. The story doesn't make sense to me. I mean, you think you are dying...and you don't call your parents? Your friends? You don't have the dr's call? You just disappear and let everyone moulder with worry? And he is very unclear on where he was after he left the "hospital". He would not say which hospital he had gone to. And I had called them all saying there was a missing person. I spoke with each Patient Information Department, and each Emergency Room. They had no one by that name, and no John Does. If he had been released...maybe he wasn't in the system anymore...but I still question the story, and think maybe some clerk if she saw his name would have told me that he had been there.

So my partner drove his son home, and said he would back to pick him up at 8am tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon, we are all supposed to drive two hours for the family Father's Day celebration (a week early), but there is some work time in the morning at the site.

I know my partner is seriously disturbed by all this. He is angry as an employer and a father. He told his son, that he would have been fired...not for not showing up...but for not calling to say he wouldn't be there. My partner made his son listen to what everyone went through, and all the detective work we all had to do. He told him how worried everyone was. He told him, it had gotten to the point that a missing persons report had been filed.

I think something is obviously really wrong with this person. Something is going on that we don't know about or understand...and nobody knows what to do. His parents have tried to have him live with them, and he has screwed that up by not holding up his end of agreements. His parents relationships have been affected as the four of us have had quite a bit of stress around him and his problems. I feel removed because he is not my son...but I love him, and have known him since he was eight. His stepfather has been in life even longer.

I have seen the story unfold. There are things I would have done differently, but I have always had to step back to let his bio parents do what they felt best. But then again, nothing seemed to work.

This is a tough situation. I think this boy is really a lost soul, and nobody knows what to do. We are all hoping he will take hold and be okay...but the reality is that this episode may be another in a long series of this kid's karma. I think there will be another time, when I am calling the police and hospitals to try and locate him. And I suppose, that someday that is where I will find him.

My spirituality is pretty shaky these days...but I found myself praying. To Whom or What I have no idea...but if Anyone can hear prayers and can answer them, then it was worth a try. I think it made me feel better at least. This kid needs some serious help, and none of us know what to do. But waiting for the next incident does not seem the best strategy. And yet that's exactly what I bet we will do.