Poly Couple Update

And now they are apparently breaking up again. As Piglet would say..."oh dear, oh dear, oh dear". And selfishly, my first reaction is thank god this is not happening to us.

I got a call from the male in the equation this morning telling me that very likely the woman in the relationship is leaving. I am not letting myself feel too deeply into that yet, because she may very well call me Sunday night and say everything is fine. What has bothered me about talking to the woman is that she speaks in very black and white terms. "We will never have these problems ever again." "Well I hope so", I say. "No I mean it, never ever again."

It's hard for me to hear someone talk like that because, in my experience, things can and often do change. At the Tantra party last week, one of the leaders asked about my partner and I. We have been happily unmarried together nearly 12 years now. He asked if this was a "forever" relationship. I stated my truth, which was "I hope so. It feels like it, but you just don't know. My partner and I try to stay committed to each other's happiness, not the relationship. It could happen one day that some one's happiness will be found elsewhere." I mean, really, you just don't know.

My brain shifts easily from mono paradigms to poly, and back. Looking at this couple from a mono paradigm, one might be tempted to say to the woman. "Well what did you expect? You let him sleep with someone else. Of course he's going to fall in love or think he is in love." But from the poly paradigm, I think the male wants to keep both relationships. It's just that the secondary relationship has become very important, and he doesn't want to end it sexually which is what his primary is asking him to do. It's way complicated of course. And poly is certainly no guarantee of people staying together.

In a way, I think the ending of the relationship would be a good thing for him. My partner and I have seen mismatches between them for many years. But I think it will be a terrible devastation for her. I like them both, but I feel closer to him. This will be hard because I know how much she will need and want my support. I never have wanted to be her very best friend, and with her losing a major male relationship, her female friends will be very needed.

Oh see...how does all of this affect ME? I can be so narcissistic at times...

I need to get my day started. By the way, how many days without sun can we take? I think it is like the tenth day since the sun has disappeared, and it is so warm all we get is rain...